apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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