Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
