highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
