I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
