but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
