got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
