I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
