Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
