No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
not ubering you a puppy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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