Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
