One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
