No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
