We got so high we made milksteak
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
