I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
