so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
