Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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