Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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