dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
