I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he puts the penis in happiness.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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