What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
