The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
