I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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