what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
