You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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