My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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