I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
