i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
