It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
