Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
