dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
