The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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