dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
