i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
