Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
