so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
