But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
