if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I could fuck to npr.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
