If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
