It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
