Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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