so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
