We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
