Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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