Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
