there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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