I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
