I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
