I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
