if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
