you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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