I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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